I am terrible with confrontation. Gearing up for a potentially negative encounter cripples me; I start sweating and the ACME anvil presses slowly upon my chest. It's a baby panic-attack or a low-key version of sleep apnea (goddamn the industrial revolution! I can trace all modern problems back to it and it's the basis for my much-anticipated novel). Anyway, this means that I prefer dealing with "issues" via the written word over the spoken. Thing is, I'm constantly being told to "grow a pair of balls", "man up" or any variety of P.E. Coach-speak. I get it, but I like the idea that I can quickly stick my thoughts in wet-cement, edit them down a few manic-decibels into something partially coherent then send them off confident that I'm saying what I mean (and also maintaining a record of what I said). Is that cowardly? I understand it's impersonal but anyone who knows me knows that when my mouth begins moving out of frustration, a train-wreck of verbs and nouns and expletives will inevitably be vomited across your face. It makes me feel like a "crazy girl" and it shows me too clearly that the cross-wiring in my brain can be embarrassingly faulty.
That's it. If it's cowardly to know and then take the best avenue to say what I mean, then this lioness is the biggest pussy on the planet.
Wait, why does he have a bow? God, the cowardly lion is so androgynous! The hair, the voice, the animal, the fear stemming from inadequacy, etc. Match the traits if you can and as you will.*************************************************************************
I remembered today that I make two World's Bests: pancakes and Top Ramen stir-fry.
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2 comments:
ok, so now this is my favorite post, erin you are an amazing writer, you should make a book out of your blog, just a book of your writings of your thoughts and pictures to go with it, you could draw them or steal em from your favorite place, the intronetz, or just make em up in your mind and then stick a usb in your ear and print them out on your imaginary human thought printer.
I agree 100% about the writing (emailing) rather than confrontation, to collect your thoughts and to remember them.
again, miss your guts
sean michael bogart / soon to be no longer at 79 lorimer. =(
You're singing my song, sister. I've always believed that the people who made up the rule that difficult discussions need to be conducted face to face were just alpha types who wanted to be able to try to make the person confronting them feel really, really bad and insecure about whatever they were confronting them about and therefore be able to manipulate them further in order to get their own way. My confrontation equation looks thusly:
doing it via e-mail/letter > doing it via text > doing it over the phone > doing it in person > remaining silent in the hopes that the problem will fix itself. I don't think people like us are cowards...maybe just easily manipulated?
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